Just Being

"In relationships, ranging from casual friendships to marriage, either we would like to control the excitement or we would like to become a part of it. To nurture another person or group/organization, or to be nurtured ourselves (this part loosely quoted)..... However, there is another kind of love and compassion, a third way. Just be what you are. You don't reduce yourself to the level of an infant nor do you demand that another person leap in tor your lap. You simply be what you are in the world, in life.

If you can be what you are, external situations will become as they are, automatically. Then you can communicate directly and accurately, not indulging in any kind of nonsense, any kind of emotional or philosophical or psychological interpretation. This third way is a balanced way of openness and communication which automatically allows tremendous space for creative development, space in which to dance and exchange.

Compassion means that we don not play the game of hypocracy or self-deception. For instance, if we want something from someone and we say, "I love you," often we are hoping the we will be able to lure them into our territory, over to our side. This kind of proselytyzing love is extremely limited....

The fundamental characteristic of true compassion is pure and fearless openness without territorial limitations. There is no need to be loving and kind to one's neighbors, no need to speak pleasantly to people and put on a pretty smile. This little game does not apply. In fact it is embarrassing. Real openness exists on a much larger scale, a revolutionarily large and open scale, a universal scale. Compassion means for you to be as adult as you are, while still maintaining a childlike quality.

In the Buddhist teachings the symbol for compassion is one moon shining in the sky while its image is reflected in one hundred bowls of water. The moon does not demand, "If you open to me, I will do you a favor and shine on you" The moon just shines. The point is not to want to benefit anyone or make them happy. There is no audience involved, no "me" and Them". It is a matter of an open gift, complete generosity without the relative notions of giving and receiving. That is the basic openness of compassion: opening without demand.

Simply be what you are, be the master of the situation. If you will just "be", then life flows around and through you. This will lead you into working and communicating with someone, which of course demands tremendous warmth and openness. If you can afford to be what you are, then you do not need the "insurance policy" of trying to be a good person, a pious person, a compassionate person."

Chogyam Trungpa - "Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism" (pp. 212-214, Prajna & Compassion)