Me-ness and the Emotions

Our mind has this quality of "me-ness", which is obviously not the other, not you. Me-ness is distinct from you, other, the rock, the tree, or the mountains, the rivers, the sky, the sun, the moon--what have you. This me-ness is the basic point here.

There is a general sense of discomfort when you refer to yourself as "me", which is very subtle discomfort. We usually don't acknowledge or notice it, because it is so subtle, and since it is there all the time, we become immune to it. There a certain basic ambivalence there. It is like dogs, who at a certain point begin to relate to their leashes as providing security rather than imprisonment. Animals in the zoo feel the same thing. At the beginning they experienced imprisonment, but at some point this became a sense of security. We have the same kind of attitude. We have imprisoned ourselves in a certain way, but at the same time, we feel that this imprisonment is the most secure thing we have. This me-ness or my-ness has a painful quality of imprisonment, but at some point this became a sense of security. We have the same kind attitude. We have imprisoned ourselves in a certain way, but at the same time, we feel that is imprisonment is the most secure thing we have. This me-ness or my-ness has a painful quality of imprisonment, but at the same, it also represents security rather than just pure pain. That is the situation we are in at this point. Every one of us is in the situation.

This me-ness is not painful in the sense of outright suffering, like what you get from eating a bottle of jalapeno chilli peppers. But there's something behind the whole thing that makes us very subtly nauseated, just a little bit. That nausea then becomes somewhat sweet, and we get hooked on that sweetness. Then if we lose our nausea, we also lose our sweet. That is the basic state of mind that everybody feels.

When the first of the four noble truths talks about suffering, this what it is talking about. There is that very subtle but t the same time very real and very personal thing going on, which sort of pulls us down. Of course there are various occasions when you might feel on top of the world. You have a fantastic vacation by the ocean or in the mountains. You fall in love or you celebrate a success in your career. You find something positive to hang on to. Nobody can deny that everyone of us has experienced that kind of glory. But at the same time that we are experiencing that high point of glory, the other end o the canoe, so to speak, is pushed down in to the water a bit. That big deal that we are trying to make in to a small deal continues to happen. Sometimes when it comes up on the surface, we call it depression. We think, "I feel bad, I feel sick, I feel terrible, I feel upset," and so forth. But at the same time, it is really something less than that. There is a basic, fundamental hangover, an all-pervasive hangover that i always taking place. Even though we may be feeling good about things, we have the sense of being stuck somewhere.

Often people interpret that sense of being stuck in such a way that they can blame it on having to put up with their parents' hang-ups resulting from some other part of their problematic case history. You had a bad experience, you say, therefore, this hang-up exists. People come up with these very convenient case-historical interpretations, maybe even bringing in physical symptoms. These are the very convenient escapes that we have.

But really there is something more than that involved, something that transcends one's case history. We do feel something that goes beyond parents, beyond a bad childhood, a bad birth, a difficult cesarean--whatever. There is something beyond all that taking place, a basic fuckedupedness that is all-pervasive. What Buddha calls it is ego, or neurosis.

That is the first of the two aspects of the mind we mentioned (cognition, separateness, duality). It's something we carry with us all the time. I'm afraid it is rather depressing.........

~ Chogyam Trungpa ~

("The Path is the Goal" Part Two "Me-ness and the Emotions" pp.57-58)

**Author goes on to speak of the second aspect of mind "emotions" which he more rightly terms "eruptions". To be continued (if I decide to post on this further)...

***Commentary: This is what must be confronted and acknowledged if spirit life is to be anything more profound (eternal) than just a superficial happiness, that akin to a candle wanting to stay lit amidst frequent heavy winds...